3 Ways to Build A Life You Love As A Solo Mompreneur
Marcela Gómez real-talks how she built lasting success as a single mom CEO and lifelong entrepreneur—what she did and didn’t do, and how she would do it all over again.
Author Marcela Gómez, CEO of Culture Shift Team and solo mompreneur, holds hands with her son as she drops him off on his first day of kindergarten.
Six years ago I was wrapping up a business meeting with a former client—a good friend of mine—and he casually mentioned how I must go home after long meetings, pour myself a glass of wine, and sip it in the bathtub. The only problem with this scenario is that I hate bathtubs. And I don’t keep wine at home.
Curiously, society has kneaded this idea into everyone’s brains that women can “do it all” and have it all—and when you’re a single mother and a solopreneur, well, let’s just say people’s perception of you and your actual reality just don’t add up.
So as I prepared a delicious frozen dinner of chicken nuggets and YooHoo for my son when I got home, I was still Marcela in the tub with a glass of wine in other people’s eyes.
Of course, these thoughts—and the inevitable unsolicited advice on how I should raise my kid or scale my business—are meant well for the most part. Still, it’s imperative as a solo mompreneur that you learn to trust yourself and relax into what feels good for you to do. Only you will know your gut feelings, your boundaries, your inner support circle and the difference between what needs to get done and what can get done—and if you even want to get everything done in the first place.
Because what does it mean to have it all anyway?
So in the spirit of discovering ourselves through a clink of baby bottles and CapriSuns, here are three ways to build a life you love as a solo mompreneur that I’ve personally found the last 20 years—and a very special note at the end to all my solo mompreneurs out there.
1. Give something to gain something.
It’s true that I have many blessings in my life. It’s also true that I keep a note my son wrote to me when he was young. It reads: “Mami, I know you’re busy, but when can you play with me?”
If I could go back in time to that moment, I would drop everything to play with him. However, my entire goal was to make sure that we had everything we needed to thrive and live a good life. Making sure I was a good mother, a good father, a great provider and nurturer were essential.
When I started my first business in Nashville, I was told that it would be smart, not to mention a fantastic business growth opportunity, to expand and open offices in Knoxville and Memphis. But I realized I didn’t want to do that. My choice was to stay home and be with my son.
When my son got older and went to college, I chose to pay for his education in cash and had no idea how I was going to do that. I canceled all subscriptions to my business associations, moved in with a loving family who has been part of my support system since 1994 for six months so I wouldn’t have to pay mortgage, and eventually gave up my house. (Emphasis on house, not home.)
The point is life comes with “give something to gain something” moments.
It was always very clear that I was holding back on some things and making decisions on others. But I’m aware of what I have given and what I have received in return.
What did I gain? I got to know who Marcela really is without the expectations of other people, without all the networking opportunities coming my way and without the five-bedroom house in West Nashville. I got to know who Marcela is when most material things were cut off from her story. There are moments like these that allow you to discover who you really are deep inside. We are not really what is outside of ourselves—we are not even our name. We’re greater and deeper than all we see.
Fire Mama Businessowner Tip: Don’t dwell on the “what if’s.”
Of course there is a healthy dose of self-doubt! I imagined the ‘What Ifs’ scrawled all over my life: What if I had stayed in Colombia? What if I had opened those offices? But what would I have given up if I did?
Don’t be hard on yourself now, and give some grace to your past self. Accept the decisions you made and know those are what has gotten you to today.
2. Choose peace. (It’s another way of choosing yourself).
I have to be careful about the balance between conforming and having peace. I dream and aspire still. I want to travel more and own a condo in several cities, but without creating anxiety in me. I always have to keep in mind this balance. I ask myself: Is this peace or anxiety? Peace or conformity? Only my soul can tell me what is true and what isn’t.
From what I have experienced and seen in others in life, your soul will speak to you—it will start with a whisper and if you don't pay attention, it will yell in some way when you’re in a situation you’re not supposed to be in. You may even start displaying physical symptoms, becoming sick or depressed, not eating or sleeping well. Look out for these physical indicators. Listen to them. Internally, you know you need to change something in order to continue growing toward peace.
As a society, we are told we need to fight for something, and usually that’s well-intentioned but misplaced. Many times, fighting for things society tells you you should be fighting for is the same thing as fighting against yourself. Life is not supposed to be a constant, never-ending struggle with yourself.
I think it’s supposed to be the other way around: you’re supposed ease down that metaphorical river, not be constantly battling yourself upstream and suffering while trying to reach someplace that isn’t for you.
When you aim for peace above all, you learn how to listen to your own needs, act on it and find this is the easier path.
Fire Mama Bussinessowner Tip: Follow peace for long-term joy. Don’t lose your mind or your peace by building something that you’ll leave behind with your body.
For example, if it’s a new business opportunity: is this a challenge toward growth or is this conformity? Discerning between feeling genuinely excited or having anxiety about something is key to going forward with the decision that will bring you closer to peace.
Learning to listen to your gut, your soul, to who you really are inside because that person inside of you will really know what’s best for you. You’ll feel it. Ignoring it will only hurt you further. Life is too short to not be choosing wisely and happily how and with whom you want to spend your time.
P.S. If you need help letting go in life, check out my blog post on why letting go can be the cherry on top of your success here.
3. Explore your own identities—mom, entrepreneur, YOU.
Birth Date: 1964 (Proud mix of Baby Boomer and Gen X).
Single Mom Story Date: 1992
Entrepreneur Date: 2002
You’ll likely have many other “dates” attached to stories in your life that are essential to your core identities and your personal life narrative, including dates of when you became a sister or aunt or your local tennis club’s Rising Star of the Year. These are separate parts of you but they are all you.
Everyone outside of yourself won’t know these stories or how impactful certain identities you hold are to you—or how unimpactful others are. People will assume what fits into their own narrative of you, created subconsciously or consciously to their own liking, and keep that image of you in their mind. Until you prove them different. Until you let them see what’s real.
We have to be careful what we share on social media and keep in mind that one photo or someone’s feed doesn’t tell their entire life story. We can explore connecting with others in vulnerable pieces to create a realistic picture of what our lives really look like, and in turn create solidarity and community.
Likewise, this is why vulnerability in conferences is so important. People’s perception of you or your perception of an entrepreneur who made billions in their first five years can be detrimental to personal growth or business success. You might think: There must be something wrong with me! You don’t see the struggles or the team of 50 people behind them or anything that would be helpful to you or your mindset. Your path is only yours, their path is only theirs.
Fire Mama Bussinessowner Tip: You have the power to show up with vulnerability and connect with others on a deeper level.
Over the years, many people have said that I make it look so easy or that it looks like I have it all together. And I have told them I simply don’t. What they see or experience from me is just a tiny part. There is strength in saying that you don’t have it all or that you choose not to. It opens up different avenues for people to see you and themselves with.
Something as simple as a kickass female entrepreneur like me sharing my age will likely make some of you feel at ease. It’s a feeling created to show that we are in this together—because we are. You have the power to do that by sharing the real you, real stories of your success and your lows, so that you can create real connections.
A Note On Staying True to Yourself So You Can Build a Life You Love
In 2002, when I was just starting my first business as a single mother, there was a lot of convo that you can have it all and that you should go after all of it. I made a really conscious decision that that was not something I could think I could do at the time.
I have always believed there is a season for everything in life. I have lived by that, not longing or thinking that I was going to lose something by not doing something that everyone else was telling me to do.
This stayed true later on when the convo began to change again. Now, women were telling other women that you had to find a balance. After all, we are not octopuses with eight arms and Master Multitasker stamped across our foreheads! We are human beings with dreams, goals and limits as well.
We have to keep in mind that limits are not weaknesses—they are boundaries. And boundaries are healthy. They don’t look the same on everyone, but if implemented right they will lead to a life you love because you feel fulfilled. This is another way of saying to trust your gut, check in with yourself and stay true to what you hear.
I don’t regret not opening those offices across Tennessee and I don’t regret choosing to stay home so I could be there when my son got home from school. I cherish every moment I spent time with him because I knew one day I wasn’t going to have it, but I would have time to focus on myself and my career later. It has proved true and I am experiencing that life right now. All the choices I made felt right for me, even if they weren’t for someone else.
The main pieces of advice I give when I meet young mothers who want to be entrepreneurs are:
Make choices that are right for you—ask yourself: is this conformity or peace?
Find people to help you with your business, hiring a bookkeeper was the best first major decision I made when I opened my first venture.
Make quality time for your children. Time never comes back.
Find other solopreneurs you trust and share time and experiences with them. You will be comforted knowing your issues are not yours alone.
Only you are the one living your life. No one else can. We may share life experiences with others, but our life is only the one we each live.
I don't want to live a life that other people think I should live, I don't want to live a life that other people believe I live. That’s not who I am. I have discovered, sometimes accidentally, how to create a life I love, or one that I won’t regret. It hasn’t always been easy and many decisions have been made, but I wouldn't change anything. I am proud of my son and who he has grown to be and I am proud of myself, my past, present and future self because I know I am making the decisions that are true to me as best as I can with what I have.
That’s why, as CEO of Culture Shift Team, a multicultural marketing and diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) firm, we place personal experience and identity high on our priority list (I mean, meet our wonderful team! They bring a wealth of experience and understanding to our services.).
At Culture Shift Team we understand that everyone has their own story and that this story shapes how they interact with the world around them—including your company. See how we can help you lift everyone—including your profits— up by chatting with us here!