Breaking Free from the Belief That Marriage Equals Worth
How questioning societal and religious beliefs helped me find freedom and embrace life as it is.
Discover how author, Marcela Gomez, challenging her societal and religious beliefs about marriage helped her embrace freedom, self-worth, and the journey of becoming the woman of her dreams. Explore insights to inspire your own personal growth.
It was after my divorce from my son’s father that the belief began to take root—the idea that marriage was the greatest blessing God could bestow upon a person. This belief started to influence my decisions, my relationships, and ultimately, my sense of self-worth. Looking back now, I see how this mindset formed and how it kept me trapped for years, compelling me to measure my value by what I lacked rather than embracing and celebrating the fullness of who I already was.
My first marriage came about because of an unplanned pregnancy with my ex-boyfriend. We still loved each other even after breaking it off, and we wanted to do the "right" thing for our child, so we got married a month after graduating college. But even as we said our vows, I could hear in the back of my mind a voice telling me that we were marrying out of obligation. The marriage lasted three years before he ended it. It was painful, but it also left me with questions about what marriage was supposed to mean and what it said about me when it didn’t work.
Several years later, I remarried. This time, I convinced myself it was God’s will. My first husband was not a born-again Christian, and my mother’s words rang in my ears: “The reason your first marriage didn’t work is because he wasn’t a Christian.” I clung to the idea that I needed to marry a Christian man to find validation, not just in the eyes of society but in the eyes of God. But deep down, I knew before the wedding that I was making a mistake. Still, I went through with it, believing that this was the path to being “blessed.”
That marriage also ended, but it brought unexpected blessings in the form of three stepdaughters, two of whom are still a part of my life today. Their resilience and strength inspire me, but their presence doesn’t erase the hard truth: I was chasing a belief that wasn’t my own. It was a belief rooted in societal expectations, religious traditions, and my own insecurities.
This belief that God not blessing me with marriage meant something was wrong with me became even heavier under the weight of comments from those closest to me. I heard things like, “She hasn’t been able to secure a husband,” or, “You’re so smart in business; why are you so stupid with men?” These words cut deeply, feeding my insecurities and reinforcing the thought that I was fundamentally flawed. My mother’s reason for my first marriage ending—“because he wasn’t a Christian”—added to the pressure. It emphasized the idea that I had failed not only as a wife but as a person of faith. I began to carry these judgments as truth, believing there had to be something wrong with me.
For years, I measured my worth against women who were married. I would glance at their wedding rings and judge their value—and mine—based on the size of their diamonds. I absorbed the stories of other Christians who claimed that God had blessed them with a spouse because they followed a specific formula: praying harder, fasting, or abstaining from dating for a set period. None of it worked for me. And so, I concluded that something must be wrong with me.
It was only when I began to challenge this belief that I found freedom. Letting go of the idea that marriage was the ultimate blessing allowed me to stop comparing myself to others and start embracing the woman I am. I no longer see my life as incomplete or unworthy because of what I don’t have. Instead, I see it as a journey of becoming—of creating the woman I want to be, the woman of my dreams.
Three Questions to Challenge Your Beliefs
What beliefs have you adopted about your worth that may no longer serve you or align with your true self?
How often do you compare yourself to others, and what triggers those comparisons?
If you let go of one belief that limits you, how might your life and sense of freedom change?