The Business Bible for Women: The #1 Lesser-Known Book I Recommend to Every Businesswoman I Know
4 Mind-Blowing Revelations That Will Catapult Your Workplace Game (& The Real Reason It Matters)
As CEO of her own company and a powerful woman in business, Marcela Gómez knows a thing or two about owning who you are and how you show up—both in her personal and her professional life. Early on, she learned some of the best-kept secrets in the playbook from this lesser-known book.
Photo by and of author Marcela Gómez, CEO of Culture Shift Team.
Back in 2005, after I had opened my first multicultural marketing company (Hispanic Marketing Group), I was asked to consider being a partner of a food manufacturing company to help position the venture as a minority-owned company. As a businesswoman with experience in the U.S. Hispanic market, I could help create products for this specific audience. It was a perfect fit for me.
Except, I found myself with three business partners—all of whom were male. Although I reminded myself over and over again that I was a powerful businesswoman and had the same ownership as them, they had a sort of work code that I couldn’t keep up with or replicate no matter how hard I tried. Their business partnership dynamic felt alien. I felt like they spoke in a language-specific to men that I would never be able to decipher. Hear me out, they did not do this on purpose. They had no idea why I couldn’t understand what they were talking about, or why I felt so clueless after meetings.
But why did I feel this way? After all, I finally made it to The Big Table with The Big Boys but finished meetings feeling like a girl being asked into a cartoonish Boy’s Clubhouse (with a ginormous red sign out front reading: X NO GIRLS ALLOWED X and a skull and bones to match) and not being let in. (Okay, I may be exaggerating—there were no skull and bones.)
I knew it was time to let myself in.
Three ridiculous moments working men that made me question my sanity:
They wouldn’t make photocopies themselves, it had to be someone else (read: a woman).
One called in his administrative assistant before a call with a vendor, just so she could dial the phone number for him. (I know—what??) I turned around and asked him, “Is something wrong with your finger?” No one answered me.
I put together a basket of samples for a business partner and gave it to him to take back to his office. The look he gave me could slice fog. Everyone immediately said, “Don’t worry, we’ll have a courier take it for him.” Nobody could explain to me why that had just happened.
As the youth say, make it make sense. Endless times I asked myself: Why were they acting like this? What was I missing?
So, I started digging in, sleuth-style. I knew I needed to read about women in business who had had this experience and see what I could find. At first, I found nothing. I searched on Google and went into countless public libraries in search of women in business books. All I could find was “how to dress” and other superficial material. Obviously, this is not what I came looking for.
Eventually, I did what desperate people on the Internet do: I went past the third page of Google.
There, I somehow came across the holy grail of business books for women: What Men Don't Tell Women About Business: Opening Up the Heavily Guarded Alpha Male Playbook by Christopher V. Flett.
It became a bible in my life—complete with notes etched into the side margins and Post-It notes sticking out all over the place. The book explains how men do business, the types of men who do business (Alpha male, anyone?) and how women approach business. In 2005, this was huge—I mean, literally unheard of. And it was gluing together the pieces of the puzzle I was missing.
And why was this shift, this realization so monumental? It. Was. Culture.
It wasn’t men as a whole that were all that different, just the culture they created and sustained by surrounding themselves with other of the same men in business. Mind blown. And if I could discover that secret subculture? I could play the game too.
Here are four revelations from the Playbook that might help your personal and professional life:
1. The Tick-Tock Time Theory
The way the game was played: I placed myself in the position of a personal secretary. I was the notetaker, the coffee bringer, and the copy maker. Talk about thinking this is how I could fit in.
New way to play: I made a conscious effort to change my habits. I stopped taking notes, stopped asking if anyone else would like coffee, and stopped, well, acting like a secretary. We had administrative assistants. I was their business partner. Nothing else.
Flett gives the example of female lawyers who are “waiting” to become partners. They work demanding 14-hour days and even continue to work as the partners leave the firm. You know what? The extra work you’re doing, of typing away, being “helpful” and organized, all of that can be given to someone who is at a different level—not someone who is going to make partner. The partners don’t need you to take notes, they need you to go catch the big fish.
I mean, have you ever seen the confidence and the audacity in which younger males (many fresh from graduating!) strut about the firm? They aren’t doing all that extra work you’re doing! They’re playing golf, going to dinners, and having fun (back then, it was always hitting the golf or strip clubs—two places where women usually don’t go to do business). These young men understand the entertainment aspect for a prospective client, while historically women think that the way to get ahead is to be in the office 24/7. But who’s catching the bigger clients?
Ask yourself this: What do I have to do in order to be a part of that network, or to grow that business? If I am working for a company, where can my boss see that I am going fishing, instead of acting like an administrative assistant?
Moral of the story: Your time is best spent working smarter, not harder if you want to jump with the frogs and make big leaps in your career.
2. The Fraud Formula
The way the game was played: I let imposter syndrome overcome me and allowed these Alpha males to feed off my insecurities to ensure I wasn’t a threat. I wasn’t doing myself any favors by helping them feel on top.
New way to play: This is the truth about imposter syndrome: it doesn’t only affect you. When you take it on and let it seep into your skin, your brain, and your every move, you are hurting others who need to see you acting at your fullest potential.
Think about it: you’re telling people that you don’t think you’re good enough or prepared enough, so instead of bringing other people up with you, you are bringing them (and yourself) down.
I truly believe that we are all connected. If one person is not doing what life is willing them to do, then they are affecting everybody else’s presence. Every single human on Earth is valuable and has a story that will help someone else. If you don’t believe this, it’s time for a massive mindset reset.
Moral of the story: You need to create an encouraging environment where you want people to rise with you and be all that they can be.
3. Do What’s Right In Front of You.
The way the game was played: I hadn’t yet learned fully that I needed to trust I was exactly where I was supposed to be, so I could stop worrying about all the next steps and the far future.
New way to play: Focus on what is right in front of you, and trust that you will get to where you need to go. Yes, you could and should have five and 10-year goals, but don’t worry about the “how” they’re going to happen because life is going to get you there. If life has put you in a situation or a place, it’s not a mistake. You are there for a purpose.
Here’s where both my Christian Bible and my Business bible intermingle—and you don’t have to be religious to listen to this wise story about one of our favorite queens: Queen Esther. Esther reveals to her non-Jewish King and husband that she is Jewish right before they are all to be exterminated and saves her people from genocide, even though she could have been killed herself in doing so. Her adopted father suggests to her the possibility that she had become queen “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14). He reinforces the idea that the series of unusual events in her life, and the entirety of it, prepared her to become queen for this exact moment—and that there was a greater purpose for her life bigger than herself.
When I believe that what I bring, whatever it is, and all my past experiences are valuable and I affirm my worth in life, then I believe I am helping somebody else. On the other hand, if we continue to believe the lie that we are suffering from imposter syndrome, then we are not living the life we are supposed to be living (see #2).
New Mantra: I am here for such a time as this.
Moral of the story: Focus on what’s in front of you and what direction you are headed. Nothing else. Amen to that!
4. The Word of a Woman
The way the game was played: It was common for some women to blatantly and proudly not support other women. Knives were being thrown around metaphorically as everyone would get bad-mouthed and backstabbed.
Here’s how that backfires: Men (and everyone else) are actively listening, and are reporting back to their friends, colleagues and bosses. They are thinking: “If she acts this way to a supposed friend and colleague, what will she do to us? Do we want her in this group?”
New way to play: This book brought this unfortunate toxic behavior laced with a scarce and insecure mindset from other women to my attention. Fortunately, because I realized this was happening (although you can’t all the time!), I learned how to navigate this newfound understanding of the culture around men and women in business and changed that for myself. Toxic energy from the people around me disappeared from my life once I understood that. Don't allow people to derail who you are because of those situations and notice closely how you are allowing people into your life and in what capacity.
Moral of the story: People talking behind your back? Let it go. Focus on you and your abilities. You are more than capable of handling everything that comes your way, with grace and in your authentic style.
Better yet? Go out of your way in supporting other women, and focus on growing and building together—there is a slice of the pie for everybody.
The energy of support surrounding women has definitely changed over the years, and those who aren't part of that positive energy begin to fall away from your own life. I think the negative energy still exists in some circles, but what I’ve seen and surrounded myself with are women who aren’t jealous, who want to grow and see you grow as well. The key to making this happen? Understand who you are and know the value that you have, that helps you get rid of the imposter syndrome (see #2—again, I know, it’s just that essential to life).
You might be asking, “Well, Marcela, if things have changed, why do we need this book?” I admit the book is an oldie, but I think many concepts are still valuable and relevant for women who still don’t know the context of the male-dominated culture surrounding them, especially in their workplace.
What I have heard from other women who’ve read this book is that the understanding of how to position themselves in the place where they want to be in order to grow, and not be seen by others as not ready to take that next step, is invaluable. If you want to grow, watch and learn from men and women who have figured out how to harmoniously navigate the workspace. In time, the environment will change if we collectively work toward that. Trust me, I’m the CEO of my own company and things do not look the same there. When you get to your desired role, make sure you are a role model for other women who are in those professions. We can and are creating an environment where we all rise together, and that’s how we change the game.
This is why What Men Don't Tell Women About Business by Christopher Flett is the #1 recommended book that I give out to every woman in business I know. It helps me understand a bit more about the gendered culture I walked into so many years ago and still informs me today on how I show up in the world and in the workplace as a Latina female CEO.
Culture Shift Team, the cultural and DEI firm I co-founded, does exactly this, except with every single multifaceted aspect an individual has that you can dream of (we try!). We help everyone connect with their ideal target market and take research, sleuth-style, into our own hands to give you the best, authentic results.
See how we can help you and your team here. We’d love to chat with you!